In keeping with the time-honored tradition of the mainstream, old-school print media that keeps re-running that tired whack “Letter about Santa Clause” every year by some obviously hallucinating young girl named Virginia (yeah, right), I thought I would continue my own tradition, started in 1991, of running my own holiday missive. After 19 years, I believe it still speaks truth. So check back next year, I will probably do it again!
And Virginia — if that is your real name — get real.
Michael’s Annual Christmas Column, 2010 Edition
Chocolate and champagne, romance with a zing, black lace and Nyquil, a whip with a sting, old movies and kitties and gold nipple rings, these are a few of my favorite things.”
“God, I just love the old-time Christmas carols,” I thought as I hummed my way into the unholy specter of holiday shopping.
The scene? Christmas Eve. I had an hour left until the stores closed. I was armed with an ATM card, $5,000 in cash, my Centurion Amex and absolutely no idea of what to buy for anyone. But I had a song in my heart and a thermos of cognac-laced espresso on the front seat. The velvet-clad valet parking attendant beckoned. “What the hell,” I said, grabbing my Santa hat and candy cane. “It’s all for a good Claus.”
…MORE. Download a PDF of my 2010 Christmas Column here.